Journal #3: Lost in my Own Perfectionism

[This post was originally published as part of On the Lookout for Hope, Gracie's senior project. It's related to Once and Still, and was part of the journey God has lead us on to where we are today. You can check out more from On the Lookout for Hope here.]

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You might have noticed I wrote this awhile ago. I started doing this one before Christmas break, and it's very frustrating to me (as a perfectionist) to have to admit that perfectionism, which I think is at the root of a lot of these struggles, is still very much a problem and refuses to be uprooted. I think that's a big part of what this semester is for, so in that way it's quite appropriate that I finally post this now, during the first senior project class of the spring, the beginning of a semester I hope will be full of lots of quick drawings and brave exploration into who I am as an artist no longer tied down by my perfectionism.

Sometimes it feels incredibly pathetic that fighting something as internal and supposedly controllable as perfectionism is so difficult. And of course it's not all just perfectionism. But I do think perfectionism is at the very root of the matter.

So. Let the battle begin.